IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
