chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i now understand why vodka
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
