so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
