ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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