Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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