u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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