i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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