fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
