there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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