Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
