I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
