just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
