but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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