I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
