hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
