i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
