If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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