I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
