First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
