He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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