He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
