Dual....:-)
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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