I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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