dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
