Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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