I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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