you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
