have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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