Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
