They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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