My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize