My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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