sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
