guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
