i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
