like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize