It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
