oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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