I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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