i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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