Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
