There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
