My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She's the barista slut.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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