So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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