dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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