I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
