Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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