Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize