3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
