If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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