if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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