nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
