Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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