her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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