your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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