Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
