My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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