I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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