You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
