everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
