The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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