I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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