Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
