Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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