i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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