are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
