$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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