today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
