i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
