You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
