Apparently you make a good broom.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
