i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
