Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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