if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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