You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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