Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
