Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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