you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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